we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
