i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
