Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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