So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
