Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
