I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
