i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
