Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
