I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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