were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
