She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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