We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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