two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i came on her dog
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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