i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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