i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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