my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
