sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
