Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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