we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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