there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
