shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it because I queefed?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
