I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
