I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
