so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
