ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We named our party play list daddy issues
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
