I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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