how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
