wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
