One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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