Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
