Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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