I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
