how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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