What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
