There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
