cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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