If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
