No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
