4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
