I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize