my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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