dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize