My nipple is on Facebook.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
