he shaved USA in his pubs
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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