do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
