And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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