If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
