Just mADE A PArabola og urine
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize