i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
