is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
