I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize