I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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