I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
