worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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