I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
