dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
