the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How does one acquire holy water?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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