My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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