I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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