Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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