Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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