Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We need to rekindle our bromance
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize