I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
