I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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