You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
