I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
