Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
