I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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